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The Real New York City Yoga (Of The Brokenhearted)

in YD News, YogaHaha

Here’s one for our hometown yogis! We know New York City living isn’t all glitz and glamour, despite Broadway’s best efforts. For all the people who live or have lived in NYC and know what it’s like to commute with crying babies, get gridlocked in midtown traffic, all while lamenting the pain of a breakup in the big city, we dedicate this special kvetching yoga series to you. It takes a lot of yoga to live in this town. Here are a few little known poses many New Yorkers practice on a daily basis.

From Steven Valentino via WNYC.org, we unite in commiseration!

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Crying G Train Baby Pose

Keep feet fixed in position and hold Subway Pose. Tilt head towards floor. Place your palm on your forehead. Take deep breaths. Lift arches. Beginners modification: turn up volume on ipod.

(A lot of us know you don’t need a crying baby to have a meltdown on the G train!)

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Kvetch 1

Press elbows against ribs. Raise shoulders. Extend forearms horizontally. Open hands. Tilt head to side slightly. Begin 3 rounds of chanting “He still hasn’t replied. Can you believe it?” to your best friend Anne.

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Thumb Opener

Using your thumb, open every dating app on your phone. Cross legs. Tilt head towards screen. Type “hey” to strange men for at least thirty minutes. Maintain a continuous flow of swipes and disappointment. Advanced modification: Try to see if you can find Scott’s profile, or any profiles with pictures of headless torsos that might be Scott!

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Why Did You Take The Williamsburg Bridge? Pose

In a cab after a long night of drinking lean back in a seated position. Maintain tightness throughout your body. Release eyes and roll them into back of head. Take deep breath and begin 3 rounds of “I said THE MANHATTAN BRIDGE!”

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Kvetch 2

Tilt your head backwards to look towards the sky. Turn palms upwards. Begin 3 rounds of chanting “I Can’t F-ing Believe It!”

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Bagel Pose

Curl into a ball. Realize a hole has been punched in your chest where your heart should be.

(Oof. We’ve all felt this one before.)

Aw, NYC, we still love you even when we’re brokenhearted. Just a few eff that meditation sessions and we’re good as new again.

Series by: Steven Valentino, writing; Isaak Liptzin, photography; Jon Schober, model; Louise Ma, illustration; Alan Palazzolo, interactive. See the whole series at WYNC.org.

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