Dear Montana, hide your yoga pants, they could soon be outlawed. Wear them in public and you could be arrested. This is true. We would joke about something so serious?
Montana Rep. David Moore, R-Missoula, a crotchety crusader of decency, wants to expand the state’s indecent exposure law and take away your right to wear yoga pants in public. Moore introduced House Bill 365 on Tuesday to do just that. If it passes, forget grocery stores, forget to and from yoga class, forget even driving your kids to school (or, you know, going out of Friday night, which is how we roll.)
“Yoga pants should be illegal in public anyway,” Moore said. Blasphemy! We know there was a see-through pants issue, but this is absurd.
This all because Moore was offended by a Bare As You Dare naked cycling event back in August that saw a bunch of cyclists ride around town in the nude wishing to express themselves in celebration of body image and their right to use public roads, as the organizers put it. Moore, clearly, does not agree. He wants to protect Montana’s virgin eyes and make sure his state is “known as a decent state where people can live within the security of laws and protect their children and associates from degrading and indecent practices.”
Apparently, degrading and indecent practices involve wearing any tight-fitting clothing in public that “gives the appearance or simulates” a human’s buttocks, genitals, pelvic area, the male or female nipple. If you were wondering, this also includes Speedos and, we assume, all bathing suits introduced after 1922? Moore also has a problem with beige and tight-fitted clothing that’s skin-toned because body parts.
Unfortunately, it’s female body parts that seem to be the most problematic. “I think you are kind of being a little prejudiced against women,” said Rep. Virginia Court, D-Billings, who points out how outlawing clothing that shows the outline or appearance of a woman’s nipple unfairly targets women. You think?
And women are the ones wearing yoga pants (most of the time). There have been several high schools across the country attempting to ban yoga pants and leggings and the argument has been the same. Aren’t we just penalizing women for their bodies and shapes?
If this bill passes, the penalties range from a $500 fine and six months in prison for your first offense, a $1000 fine and a one-year stay in prison for your second offense. Montana’s law currently states a third offense would hand you a life sentence and a $10,000 fine, but in Moore’s revision he mercifully lowers this to no more than five years in jail for being caught three times, keeping the $10,000 fine. That’s pretty expensive, even for a Lululemon fanatic. If this bill passes, expect a new cottage industry of underground clubs and yoga pants speakeasies cropping up all over the Big Sky State, or shall we say the Big Moon State.