Call me crazy, but I get skeeved out over rolling my yoga mat. The mechanics seems natural, but, to me, the practice is ick. Not that I’m suggesting your yoga studios are anything but sparkling clean. I would never! And sure your feet carry enough tootsie tartar on their own (and I’m really not a germophobe, I swear!) but I just can’t do the mat rolling thing. (Note: This is not meant to be a diatribe against mat rollers. Just my silly opinion!)
Pink, purple, green, blue, whatever the hue, dear yoga mat, I don’t want to roll you. Here are a few (gross) reasons why:
Rolling a yoga mat is like eating a fruit roll-up you just just raked the leaves with.
Rolling a yoga mat is like licking a tootsie pop, rolling it around in the sand and then brushing your cat with it before giving it another lick. How many licks does it take to get to the center of a fuzzy pop?
Rolling your yoga mat is like taking a sponge, wiping the bottom of your shoe with it and then tossing it into the juicer for your after-class acai smoothie.
Rolling your mat is like taking your shower poofy thing, squeezing “Spring Sweat” body wash on it and then trying to make yourself clean with it.
Rolling your mat is like doing pranayama in a vacuum bag.
Rolling your mat is like rolling your body in honey and letting yourself loose in a kitty litter factory.
Rolling your mat is like using your body as a human-sized lint brush.
Rolling your mat is like eating a toe cheese sandwich with a side of Conjunctivitis.
Rolling your mat is like rolling sushi maki with bellybutton hair and fingernails and dipping it in swamp ass.
Rolling your mat is like a slip n’ slide on an episode of CSI.
Rolling your mat is like taking a swim in your neighbor’s sweat puddles who just had a huge portion of spaghetti with raw garlic and asparagus.
How do I carry my mat? Fold it, baby, then (maybe) roll. Not the ultimate answer, but I’d rather let those germs and juices make out together without any further interruption. I realize folding is not possible with all textures and thicknesses of yoga mat pedigree, but the next time you catch me rolling my own mat, will be the next time you see me eating a tofu salad off the seat of the 6 train.
Where do you stand on the great mat roll vs. fold issue?
[Ed. note: This is intended to be ridiculous. The word facetious may come to mind.]
[image source: www.yoga.am]
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