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Gwyneth Paltrow’s New ‘Dream’ Yoga Top Looks Like a Nightmare for the Breast of Us

in Business of Yoga, YD News

Actress Gwyneth Paltrow, profferer of nice things, wife of British pop singer, fan of naming kids after fruit, is a longtime yoga devotee and has finally manifested her finest masterpiece, a “dream” yoga top! It’s a limited edition one shouldered yoga top for $75 and it’s available exclusively on her lifestyle blog goop.com in collaboration with BEYOND YOGA just in time for gift-giving season.

And she’s so excited about it! From her website:

I’ve always wanted a one shouldered exercise top and could never find one so we’ve collaborated with BEYOND YOGA (who make really chic, comfortable, perfect exercise gear) to make my dream top!

Oh, Gwynnie, you adorable, blissfully oblivious goopy creature. Often the target of ridicule on the internets for touting the finer things in life while remaining completely out of touch with unprivileged living (she has a $2,200 SoulCycle bike on her 2012 holiday gift guide, for example), Gwyneth is ready to enter the market of yoga wear with the same air of delightfully vata-riffic nincompoopery.

75 bucks and you don’t even get another sleeve? We get it, fashion…blah blah gobbledegoop. Sure it looks sleek and sexy on a super slim tenacious juice faster (need we go on?). Besides that though, we feel your left boob ladies. Uh, that came out wrong.

Will it stay put? Here’s the description:

Made from a luxurious high-tech fabric for active wear – Supplex – this one-shoulder cami is great because it’s quick drying and offers stretch without stretching out, keeping in shape even after a workout. Subtle monochromatic quilting adds stylish detail to this soft yet durable top.

Um, no. You can get as luxuriously quilted and high-technotronic as you want. Unless you’re a card holding member of the itty bitty titty committee, which we say with love, you are fresh out of luck with this one (and we should know). The solution? Buy two and wear one backwards, of course. Ah, so doubly luxurious! Get on it quick, though, the smalls already appear to be gone. Matching leggings also available, with both legs (which, really just seems stylishly lazy).

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26 comments… add one

  • Yoga Chick

    Beyond Yoga has been making this one shoulder yoga top for some time! I own it in black and bought it a couple of years ago. How is this her design? Several other companies make the same top as well. Give me a break…

  • YD

    Interesting! how does it work for you in class?

    in full disclosure, this dork has enjoyed BY pants, and their philanthropic efforts, as well as Gwyneth’s. the one shoulder thing though, albeit cute, would be such a major distraction!*

    *IBTC member

  • Yoga Chick

    It’s okay for teaching, but I find the top rises up on the belly when practicing and in all honesty, it really squishes the breasts in. Overall it’s good for the *IBTC* folks but not the fuller figured ladies. It would cut into the underarm area and I think there’d be some spillage out on the sides.

    BTW, here it is on Amazon. The reviews are from 2010 so it’s clear she didn’t design it. Funny how it disappeared from their website and now it’s back as her design? And I like Beyond Yoga too. Love their pants! My absolute favorite.

    http://www.amazon.com/Beyond-Yoga-Supplex-Shoulder-Medium/dp/B0037Z7QYI/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top

  • Lilly

    I just wanted to say that GP doesn’t say it’s “her” design. It’s written that those pant and top are from an exclusive collaboration. This often means that the company showed her (or her team) the looks and she choses the one she liked the most and she could have made suggestions too but she really doesn’t say she was like the designer for the whole thing (who would believe it anyway ?). The design is slightly different from the one from your link (I don’t know if it’s the fabric and/or the design itself). The one on amazon is plain black the one on goop has some pattern on the belly area. Not much, but different. It kind of look nicer.

    I have like no boobs (obviously so is GP on that picture) so this could be great for me. But I think it might be quite dangerous for those who have big chest !

  • Vision_Quest2

    just don’t go get surgery on them

    and hopefully nothing happens to their size

    Signed,

    Always needed mastopexy, never got one.
    Beauty standards can SUCK IT!!

  • Vision_Quest2

    Which technically isn’t being flat-chested, just droopy.

  • Robin

    I was thinking the same thing. Beyond Yoga started making this top several years ago, Lulu made it a couple tears ago too. I enjoy Gwyneth, and her likes, but sometimes it has already been invented.

  • dee

    Gosh I live you Yogadork.”Oh, Gwynnie, you adorable, blissfully oblivious goopy creature.” you said it perfectly… as for the one breast that would flop out when doing a downward dog, I much prefer it stay in place as I raise up in sun salutation.:)

  • So funny! I love your writing… “oblivious goopy… completely out of touch with unprivileged living” ha ha!

  • LA

    Looks very pretty, but yeah, I’ve got big boobs so this would def NOT work for me! Also, wouldn’t the one strap feel heavier than the other on the shoulder, thus making you feel asymmetrical in a practice that is all about finding balance and symmetry? I guess maybe if your boobs are super small they don’t weigh too much so it wouldn’t feel a lot heavier on that shoulder?? hmmmmm………

  • well, looking at the side view shot of gwyneth paltrow, this top is probably better suited for prepubescent girls who haven’t moved up from a training bra (sorry, ITBC members). the shoulder seems more decorative than anything else. it might as well be a tube top.

  • The phrase “…delightfully vata-riffic nincompoopery” made my day!!! Fantastic!

  • myrna

    I am a member of the itty-bitty-titty community – size 2 – and I got that way by practicing ashtanga yoga – I eat a lot! But I probably still wouldn’t wear that with only one shoulder – doing all those jump backs I want to feel securely covered.

  • Frida_K

    This would go wonderfully with my DD assets.

    NOT.

  • Leslie

    Right there with you sister! First down dog and one of my big girls is going rogue!

  • I appreciate your review. but I feel like someone has to stand up for small chested women everywhere. you may not realize that small breasted women are in the minority. and that being flat chested is quite a challenge. beginning withe preteen teasing. and culminating as and adult who can’t fill in any dresses or shirts that have darts up to the chest. wearing bras just because everyone else does even though you’ve never needed one. i get what you’re saying about it rolling down during certain poses. but there area plenty of yoga clothes that my peers where that i don’t find suitable for my own practice at all. i wear minimal clothing in my practice. i have a friend who wears a hoodie most of the time. i would hate that. so teasing about the fit and the fact that the top is best suited for tiny boobies? really? less judgment please, ladies. this is yoga. not the 8th grade locker room.

  • I didn’t read this at all as teasing or judgmental.

    What I did read was a comedic review of a yoga top — particularly scathing of the sales agent — and that it likely would be best suited for women who are small breasted (or flat chested).

    I agree with that evaluation, looking at the pictures. I look at it and see that — as a teen — this would have worked well for me. I grew breasts in college, and they grew again when I had my kid. They now sit at a nice size D (even though I, too, practice a vigorous vinyasa form and wear a size 2-4).

    Which means, bummer, this shirt is probably just not the right one for me. It’s kind of cute, isn’t it?

    Anyway. . . lucky the girls who can wear it, right? (Assuming they want to, and want to pay this price for it, and it works for them, etc).

  • Vision_Quest2

    Yeah. Take a stand. Don’t go under the knife to get those implants. Beauty can come in every breast size and shape.

    So, if you’ve got the look for this top, then flaunt it.

  • CMaxi

    But if I don’t buy this outrageously over-priced super trendy yoga top designed by “Gwynnie” I won’t be the hottest yogini in my next yoga class… hmph. Oh well I guess if I can buy those $140 yoga pants by LuLu Lemon my ass will look so good that no one will notice that my hips don’t stack in trikonasana… oh and that both of my shoulders are covered because I didn’t buy that super practical, stylish yoga top…
    Poor American Yogis life is so tough.

  • Leslie

    As a member of the IBTC, “I bought titties committee” I don’t think that top could keep my girls on lockdown. o_O

  • Hash

    I thought the goopy one had stopped doing yoga because it made her look ‘boxy’ around the waist?

  • This top would show a side of me best left under wraps.

  • Geraniums are red;
    Delphiniums are blue.
    As I hold tittibasana,
    I’ll think of you.

  • Hui

    Lol, great post. I haven’t got boobs either, so the fact that this top is one-shoulder doesn’t faze me much… the $75 tag does though… Maybe it’ll somehow open up my heart chakra a little more…

  • A one shouldered top for $75? This is ridiculous. But in fairness she really looks sexy on that one. Though this won’t work for all women. It’s better to be safe sometimes than to take a risk. hehe.

  • nancy

    Could be a boon for “mommy and me” yoga classes, easy access breast feeding yoga top!

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