Word! Who knew the Whole Foods Parking Lot rap would ignite a heated beef?
Though it’s not quite as jamtastic as the original, woo boy if it isn’t a tad snappier with the come backs. We don’t whip out this phrase too often, but, seriously, you go girl.
You can’t handle the heat in the parking lot?
Did you run outta your prescription for medical pot?
We weren’t entirely sold until we literally spit Guayaki all over our keyboard, somewhere around 3’25.
Full lyrics below.
intro:
Feather hair extensions? Check.
Om tatoo? Check.
Boutique Microbrew? Check.
Lululemon leggings? Check.
Camouflage hoodie? Check.
Prius Limosine? (don’t you want to ride) Check…
Verse 1:
When I rolled up, this guy in a Clippers Cap
Was flippin’ flack. Who you yellin at? You can’t handle the heat in the parking lot of Whole Foods? What are you, some old dudes? Yo fools! Just like the GZA is a master of the Pro Tools, I’m ballin while you’re followin the old rules. Quit stallin, y’all are growin toad stools. You drink kombucha? Why you sippin O’Douls?
Please. Let me get my space. I’m not in the mood cuz I got the taste for an iced soy latte mate, in my body…
I don’t know karate, but I gotta get some kale to saute, so, please move your misguided hybrid out the way. I get vociferous when shopping for cruciferous veggies…!! Lemme hear you hollah. Pop the top on your favorite Odwalla (you can get one if you’ve got five dollahs)!!
Chorus:
You can’t handle the heat in the parking lot?
Did you run outta your prescription for medical pot?
Instead of sittin on the little shopping carts they got,
You could just park next to the Passat.
You can’t handle the heat in the parking lot?
Listen man, there’s a Vons right down the block.
Don’t you know you got a choice where you can shop,
besides you said your kombucha is out of stock…
Verse 2:
That’s right I got a date tonight, and I’m cookin. My date is tall and really good lookin. Ok, it’s not a date, it’s just my FBF (huh?) My fake boyfriend (what?) What, are you deaf?!
She’s comin over and she’s bringing her chihuahua, and if you don’t move it I’m a slap you like Zsa Zsa slapped a cop, stop blockin or it’s gonna get hotter…Don’t make me spray you with my coconut water!!
Tom’s on my feet, I’m hoping I’ll meet
a hottie with allergies to dairy and wheat, so I’ll
spend some time in the gluten-free aisle,
Flash him a Tom’s of Maine smile,
Let him know, I do downward dog like a pro! “you want a goji berry?” – “No thanks, I gotta go…”
I don’t mean to Bragg like liquid aminos, but I was just too sexy for his chinos.
[Chorus…]
Verse 3:
What? I shouldn’t shop at Whole Foods cuz I’m broke? You think that I should eat an inorganic artichoke? Yo bloke, I’m no joke, I need my acai…Watch us do some tai chi…
I’ve got a lot of problems, not a problem with a lot,
Keep stressin me dude, and get a shot!!
Of wheat grass, or filet’d Chilean sea bass,
I keep it raw like my agave nectar sweet ass.
Oh, you’re gangster cuz your tshirts made of hemp, ay?
I’m wearin a tampon made of tempeh!!
But now I gotta get to TJs. Sipping fifteen dollar pinot noir in my PJ? You think I give a f–k? I keep it real with the two-buck-chuck! what what.
(Charles Shaw up in the house.
Sauvingon blanc forevahhh)
——
Earlier…
This is fantastic. Did WholeFoods actually produce this?
So funny .. I couldn’t stop laughing.
For a moment, when they mentioned Gojiberries, I thought Ogden would make a surprise cameo!
Nope WF did not produce it, in fact they kicked us off a couple of their lots (they kicked the previous guys out too, so we hear). But we still love em. It was all done guerrilla style, for kicks, no one got paid.
Thank u for sharing!!!
absolutely brilliant!
OMG Are you serious???