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Yoga Teachers: 10 Tweets Guaranteed to Get You Fired

in YD News, YogaHaha


The tasteless tweets of both 50 “been hit with a few shells” Cent and Gilbert (The Aflac Duck) Gottfried landed them in hot water this week. Alas, the social mediasphere has a line. Perhaps ol’ Bikram can get away with just about anything, but how about all the regular Joe Schmogas? Ever wonder how far you could push 140 yogic characters?

How to Lose Your Yoga Teaching Job in 1 (or 10) Tweet(s):

  1. ‘When I say mula bandha, I MEAN the boom-boom area, the goods, the bizness. Crotches, tally ho!’
  2. ‘Mofo, I got bills to pay. Get your cheap ass back over to that donation bowl and show mama some love!’
  3. ‘Crunchy Swingers Party at my house after today’s class! Woo!’
  4. ‘I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly. Take your beginner booty out of here and back to Level 1. F’ing noob.’
  5. ‘That rule about not banging your students? Heh. Just a guideline. #bootytapasana’
  6. ‘My favorite adjustments to give: tweaking groins and making mula bandhas moo. Awww yeah.’
  7. ‘Only BABIES take child’s pose. Next class, I start handing out diapers!’
  8. ‘Hey Cirque Du Freak, this ain’t Cirque Du Soleil. Damn showoff. #posesicantdo’
  9. ‘If ONE more person complains about a pulled hammy or urinary incontinence, I’m gonna break some legs. #yogawussies’
  10. ‘You are ripe with the stench of rotting corpses, you flagrant flesh eater!’

You’ve been forewarned. Check yourself before you wreck yourself.

——

Lo is a writer who lives for mystery and intrigue. She finds joy in the small things: practicing yoga in wellies, defending her favorite “unyogic” behaviors, and writing bios in third person. Lo can often be found sipping Earl Grey tea while plotting world domination and resides at yisforyogini.com.
——

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15 comments… add one

  • Sarah

    Hahahahaha, I love ALL OF THESE.

  • Hahahahaha I don’t even want to know what a “Crunchy Swingers Party” is…

  • Why do I fear I am going to a special room in hell for loving these?

  • i’ll be there waiting for you. we have tea and cucumber sandwiches. oh, and twister. ;)

  • #2 is my fave.

    a guy emailed me looking for yoga but said he can’t afford private yoga. this was after he told me he just got back from Maui. during high season. I googled his name for the hell of it (he lives in my town) & found out he owns a company with yearly revenue of $500K-$1 million (was listed in a biz directory.)

    file that under “another WTF moment in yoga teaching.”

  • Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah…I pranam before the Queen of Yoga Humor!!!

  • Yogini3

    I really don’t understand #4.

    I’ve been the recipient of #4 (though not in those choice words) at at least one studio (okay, both studios are now history with me)

    Beam me back, Scotty, back to 1991, when a class called “All Levels” really, really meant ALL levels

    and #7 never entered their minds …

    Just a thought.

  • Hee hee. Making mula bandhas moo. That’s funny.

  • Hi, Lo! (Did you get it? :)
    Your writing is FABULOUS! Don’t stop, world domination is around the corner for you, I’m sure of it. #thankyouverymuch

  • With my track record for liberal usage of profanity, these are a good set of guidelines to follow!! Guess I’ll just stick to doing the dog, cat and donkey for my own benefit!
    ~Go lo!~

  • LAURA

    NOT FUNNY… WHO EVER WROTE THIS…. GET A LIFE!

  • by “get a life,” do you mean trolling blogs + posting intellectually stimulating comments like yours? ok, i’ll get right on that.

  • I don’t know how I missed this post! LOVE, love, LOVE it! Your sense of humor is impeccable! :)

  • Hah! Next time list it as a matchup: I’d love to guess who said what. I can think of a few teacher friends I’d pare up with one or two of those!

  • Twisted Yoga Sister

    Don’t forget the infamous “stink eye”, or “glare” or “eye balling”. That will definitely get you fired……..

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