It’s Exorcist Yoga! Because we just know whenever you watch a scary movie you’re thinking, “Hot damn! If only I could be as flexible as that possessed Satanic monster!” Right? It’s really impressive! Which is why we’re so excited to have come across this freakishly like-minded photo illustration from deathandtaxesmag.com, in review of just how scary that backbending is in The Last Exorcism. Hilarious! And it inspired us to take a look at a few other horror classics, since it is Halloween and all. But in the spirit of svadhyaya (self-study) and sadhana (practice or discipline) we decided to offer up some helpful tips, for these scary movie characters, on honing their own personal yoga practice.
So here they are, the Top 5 Horror Movie Yoga Tips!
Pose: Pinhead is one evil beast, and he’s spent enough time down below, so we’d recommend a little levity. Kick your feet up in the air with some adho mukha vrksasana – handstand! And maybe add in a little navasana for core strength. Feel the burn.
Avoid: Sirsasana. Too painful, even to Satan’s spawn. Besides, the pins could cause neck issues.
2. Friday The 13th
Pose: All that strenuous, yet incredulously slow, walking /chasing after victims would make any evil villain tired. For Jason Voorhees we suggest salamba sarvangasana (shoulder stand), to increase circulation and open up those tight shoulders after a long day of knife wielding.
Avoid: Matsyasana (fish pose). No need to stir up more memories of water, lakes, etc.
3. The Ring
Pose: You’ve got the meditation down! So, uh, maybe take a break from that for a moment, try a little movement on the breath with sun salutations? Throw in a little trikonasana, triangle pose, to mix things up. Concentrate, and if someone calls, don’t. answer. the phone.
Avoid: Dhanurasana, or anything “wheel”- like. No more circles!
4. The Shining
Pose: Double the tadasana! Fantastic job girls. How about partner vrksasana (tree pose)? You don’t even have to stop holding hands, or staring creepily.
Avoid: Anything NOT playful. Because all work and no play…well, you know.
5. A Nightmare On Elm Street
Pose: Oh Freddy, just because you have razors on your fingers doesn’t mean you can’t do yoga. We recommend some nice hip-opening, maybe some pigeon to release the deep tension in those dark places! Then end with a nice, long death…er savasana.
Avoid: Utthita hasta padangusthasana. Need we explain?
Bonus: It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!
OK, it’s not a horror movie, but it has its scary moments! And it’s a Halloween classic.
Pose: Linus, you are full of whimsy and wit. We give you eka pada koundinyasana II – one-legged sage pose! It’s a tough one, but for some reason we believe you can do it.
Avoid: Nothing…the world is your yoga mat!
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