Ed. Note: We didn’t make this up, though the piddling of odd details may lead you to believe otherwise.
See? Now this is just the kooky news stuff we yogsters can live without! A yoga couple in Seattle is pressing charges against a philandering guru in an alleged crime involving groping, peeing and hypnotism!
According to the police report, a man told officers he was with his fiancee in class when he heard her say “no,” sigh, and then go silent.
The woman told police that while she was in the yoga position, the instructor came over to her and held her legs up. The report says the instructor was clicking something and saying “listen to your master, you must do whatever your master wants you to do.” The man told police the instructor then knelt down and put his hands on the woman’s stomach.
The report says students saw the instructor reach inside the woman’s pants and grope her, before she passed out and urinated on herself. The man told police he believed the instructor was trying to hypnotize his fiancee.
This is just creepy all around. Apparently the incident occurred in October, but for some reason wasn’t reported to the police until this week. Now we’ve got Gawker talking about it, and you know how that goes. (snarkity rants, entertaining comments)
But seriously, what is the “clicking” thing? We’ve experienced utter relaxation, and although we could’ve (!) that kind of relief is reserved for the loo. Anyone else? Dare we ask if this was orgasm?? Because, hypnotism aside, that’s certainly what it sounds like. Also, they don’t say which yoga position – not that it matters, a grope is a grope, pee is pee – though it’d be much stranger in anything other than savasana, no? OK we’ll stop there.
Sadly, if this was truly foul play, it’s not the first report of misbehavior from hanky panky yoga teachers, and surely it’s not the last.
Thankfully, we are happy to report that presently any pee on our mats has been of our own accord.
Update: Thanks to this story we now can’t get the tune “Guru guru guru can’t you see? Sometimes your words just hypnotize me” out of our heads. Apologies.