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Grief and Relief: Yoga Scandal in Seattle

in Ethics, YD News, Yoga Crime

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Ed. Note: We didn’t make this up, though the piddling of odd details may lead you to believe otherwise.

See? Now this is just the kooky news stuff we yogsters can live without! A yoga couple in Seattle is pressing charges against a philandering guru in an alleged crime involving groping, peeing and hypnotism!

According to the police report, a man told officers he was with his fiancee in class when he heard her say “no,” sigh, and then go silent.

The woman told police that while she was in the yoga position, the instructor came over to her and held her legs up. The report says the instructor was clicking something and saying “listen to your master, you must do whatever your master wants you to do.” The man told police the instructor then knelt down and put his hands on the woman’s stomach.

The report says students saw the instructor reach inside the woman’s pants and grope her, before she passed out and urinated on herself. The man told police he believed the instructor was trying to hypnotize his fiancee.

This is just creepy all around. Apparently the incident occurred in October, but for some reason wasn’t reported to the police until this week. Now we’ve got Gawker talking about it, and you know how that goes. (snarkity rants, entertaining comments)

But seriously, what is the “clicking” thing? We’ve experienced utter relaxation, and although we could’ve (!) that kind of relief is reserved for the loo. Anyone else? Dare we ask if this was orgasm?? Because, hypnotism aside, that’s certainly what it sounds like. Also, they don’t say which yoga position – not that it matters, a grope is a grope,  pee is pee – though it’d be much stranger in anything other than savasana, no? OK we’ll stop there.

Sadly, if this was truly foul play, it’s not the first report of misbehavior from hanky panky yoga teachers, and surely it’s not the last.

Thankfully, we are happy to report that presently any pee on our mats has been of our own accord.

Update: Thanks to this story we now can’t get the tune “Guru guru guru can’t you see? Sometimes your words just hypnotize me” out of our heads. Apologies.

[Slog-The Stranger]

Earlier…UPDATE: Graspin’ Aspen Yoga Teacher Scandal, Charges Upgraded: 2 Felony Counts!

4 comments… add one

  • mp

    so totally weird! makes me embarrassed to be in seattle.

  • oh. my. god. eeeeeuuuuuuu…..

    “The report says students saw the instructor reach inside the woman’s pants and grope her…”

    my question: and none of the students said or did anything? hmmmmm…..

    wow. kinda makes the teacher I know who teaches her classes drunk (yes, really) seem not so bad…..

  • Erm, held her legs up and hand on her stomach, and then somehow reached inside her pants? What the heck? Trying to imagine what asana she was doing that made it easy to hold her legs up then try to grope her.

    How long does it take to bring most women to orgasm? Usually, it ain’t real quick, right? And she passed out and peed on herself? Stranger and stranger.

    The whole class sounds like they were on acid or something!

  • hendrickx

    I am a Belgian citizen,living near Antwerp.In Belgium there are many abuses in yoga schools:
    -Instructors are incompetent,there is no official recognition to teatch yoga.
    -A lot off sexual abuses,financial abuses.
    There were only a few condemnations up to now.
    Yoga is just objectionable and dangerous.If you want to know more go to dangeryoga.com

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