Lululemon Sets Goal to Bait Us with Booze and Yoga for Niagara Falls Warehouse Sale

Boy it’s cold out there! Sure makes you want to stand outside in a line for hours, doesn’t it?

So we heard it’s almost that time for a certain grossly priced yoga-inspired clothing company to purge the mediocrity that is old styles past their prime. News came earlier this week trumpeting a Niagara Falls 4-Day warehouse sale at the end of January (on the Canada side, btw). The announcement boasted such intoxicating marketing ploys as free yoga and wine tasting, at the hand of crafty pied piper minions taken to facebook and twitter to herd the troops.

As there is no mention of actual discounts let’s hope it’s at least 95% off, for the sake of all that is decent. But don’t worry, Luluheads made sure to note that they accept ALL forms of payment: cash, debit, Visa, MC, AMEX…your pawned gold jewelry, your college tuition, the food from your children’s mouths.

Hey, maybe that wine is a good idea after all, shopping is way more fun when you’re tipsy! Except, wait, who serves alcohol at a clothing sale?? What ethics playbook are they reading from anyway? It sounds like a great social event, but it’s NOT! It’s a sale, as in come and spend money on things you don’t need! And Lululemon could really use your cash after the stock hit an all time low ($6.11) yesterday.

Since they’re advertising that “new merchandise will be arriving daily” for the 4-day event, we’re thinking they ought to offer more than wine and yoga. How about 3 square meals, daycare and hot showers for the tenacious who may be roughing it and camping out?

No matter what we say, though, we’re sure this warehouse will be bursting with lulus like Buddha in spandex. So let’s wait and see what records can be broken this year in this record-breaking economic crisis: Will it be longest line to get in? (supposedly the line will be inside this year, hurray for progress!)… Most spent by an individual Lulu? (we heard $3000 in Calgary last year, c’mon who can beat it?!)… A world record for simultaneously standing in handstand, slurping free wine, and swiping a credit card?

If you’re planning to head out there, want our advice? Get some free yoga and booze…leave your wallet at home!

And beware the dangers of a shopaholic… you don’t want to wind up like this poor gal, buried under 3 feet of shoe boxes! Shopaholic Dies in Avalanche of Clothing [NBC NY] You can’t make this stuff up.

Earlier…We told You Lululemon Fans are Loonies, and Apparently Made of Money!

(ps. we know that image above is hilariously ridiculous, but what can you do when you’re stuck on a foreign computer with only Microsoft paint to work with! ha)